Cowboy Casanova
by CrazyNutSquirrel
Summary: This time Vector and Espio are forced to decide to help Charmy with critiquing a song called Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood. Anything goes, from a bee in a devil costume to an enraged hawk from another story running onto the set for this one. Rated T


**Charmy: Hello people! I'm back again! :D No applause please, but thank you. ;)**

**What makes you think they were giving YOU applause?**

**Charmy: I'm sorry I didn't hear what you said, what?**

**Nevermind. *rolls eyes* Hello my readers! Charmy and his fellow teammates are back to critique another song... the only change here, is that Espio and Vector will put in their opinions every now and then. :) This should be fun. :)**

**Espio: Oh no...**

**Vector: I have a few things to say to you Charmy!**

**This isn't lecture time Vector. :) The stage is this way. *shoves them onto the stage and ties Vector and Espio to their chairs***

_You better take it from me_

_That boy is like a disease_

_You run and try and you're tryin' to hide_

_And you're wondering why you can't get free_

Charmy thought for a moment then grinned. "You better take it from me, that girl is like a disease. You run and try and you're tryin' to hide and you're wondering why you can't get free.... Well loverboy, let me point out the obvious. You're obviously frightened to death by her, and she's a control freak and has locked everything and taken the keys so you can't get out of the house!" Vector looked at Charmy as if he was insane.

"That's not the point Charmy. I think that verse kinda describes guys who pick girls up and drop them in favor of another one later." Espio groaned.

"Oh lord.... this is going to be a LONG session..."

_He's like a curse, he's like a drug_

_You'll get addicted to his love_

_You wanna get out, but he's holding you down_

_'cause you can't live without one more touch_

Charmy grinned. "She's like a curse, she's like a drug. You'll get addicted to her love. You wanna get out but she's holding you down 'cause you can't live without one more touch. Or one more kiss. What sort of weakling are you?! If she's cheating on you you punch her teeth out and kick her in the gut before hightailing it out of there!" Espio spoke up.

"Sounds like it's a handsome guy who seems perfect in every way, but he isn't. And even though you know he isn't being fair to you, you can't bring yourself to leave him."

"I thought it was a girl this song was about." Said Charmy.

"No Charmy, it's about a guy who I am currently assuming is a womanizer."

"Then why aren't we critiquing "Womanizer" by Britney Spears is what I want to know." Said Vector. Once again, Espio groaned.

"We're not explaining the song in the most humorous way possible... And if we don't, the author is going to be VERY mad at us..."

"WHO CARES?! CHARMY BEE CONQUERS ALL!" And of course Charmy was wielding a cupcake and a stick of uncooked spaghetti.

"Next verse, and author powers shall knock you off your throne young man!" Called a voice from beyond the computer screen.

_He's a, a good time, cowboy Casanova_

_Leanin up against the record machine_

_He looks like a cool drink of water_

_But he's candy-coated misery_

"Of course he's a good time! Any boy gives you a good time!"

"Charmy, I don't think you get it yet."

"Wanna say that to my face?" Challenged the bee.

"I already did. Anyway, I have the same opinion, womanizer."

"I think they're in the wild west!" Charmy looked at Vector.

"OBVIOUSLY!"

"Next verse!" Called the author. "And you'd better make this funny." She added in a dangerous voice.

"Yes ma'am." Said Espio, looking a little freaked out.

_He's the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes_

_And he only comes out at night_

_Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight_

_You better run for your life_

Charmy suddenly disappeared, then reappeared in a mini-devil outfit. "Rawr! I will cut you open with my trident and put your heart on a roasting spit to eat woman! You'd better run for your life!" Espio stared at the bee for awhile then sighed.

"Oh great."

_I see that look on your face_

_You ain't hearin what I say_

_So I'll say it again, 'cause I been where you been_

_And I know how it ends, you can't get away_

"You haven't heard a thing I said?! Didn't your mother ever tell you to pay attention to people when they talk?!"

"Unless they're annoying young bees like you?" Charmy looked blank. "You didn't hear a word I said did you?"

"Nope." Said the bee cheerfully.

"But that goes against what you just said now!"

"I know, but my Mom told me that I don't have to listen to people who never say anything that makes sense." Vector burst out laughing.

_Don't even look in his eyes_

_He'll tell you nothing but lies_

_And you wanna believe but you won't be deceived_

_If you listen to me and take my advice_

Charmy stared at the screen for a second. "You've GOT to be kidding me. Lady, what kind of song do you have us critiquing?!"

"Cowboy Casanova, now continue critiquing or I'll get my fly swatter!"

"Hey hey hey that's a little extreme!"

"Bug spray." The author started getting up...

"Hey hey hey! I'll continue alright! Jeez!"

"Good." She sat back down.

"Sounds like this guy is one damn slippery eel..."

"CHARMY! You aren't allowed to say words like that!"

"Oh yeah.. oh well, too late to correct it now. Anyway, the guy sounds like he likes breaking girl's hearts." The bee whistled. "I think I'd like a few lessons on picking girls up though, I need to have a girlfriend."

"Charmy, you're a kid."

"I know, but some people get girlfriends when they're kids right? Remember "Blades of Glory"?"

"Yeah, but that was a movie, it wasn't real! He wasn't a kid with a thirty-five year old girlfriend or however old she was!"

"Aww man..!"

_He's a, a good time, cowboy Casanova_

_Leanin up against the record machine_

_He looks like a cool drink of water_

_But he's candy-coated misery_

"We already went over this one!"

"Then skip it you idiot."

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"You can't do anything to me."

"Oh yes I can!"

"Sorry, but author powers ultimately beat you." The author typed something and suddenly Charmy was a poodle.

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!" She changed him back. "Don't ever do that again."

"Then do what I say and do it correctly! Espio, your turn to talk."

"Um... I still think the guy is a womanizer. This verse is obviously a chorus, so would you please skip it so we don't have to keep on coming to this problem?"

"Good idea Espio, and thank you for politely saying it."

"Um... your welcome?"

_He's the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes_

_And he only comes out at night_

_Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight_

_You better run for your life_

"This is another verse we went over." The author held up a can of bug spray threateningly. "Uh oh... would you please skip this one for us?"

"That's better."

_Run, run away, don't let him mess with your mind_

_He'll tell you anything you wanna hear_

_He'll break your heart, it's just a matter of time_

_But just remember_

"After this comes the chorus and then just "Oh, you better run for your life" repeated two times." Said the author leaning back in her chair. "Now you three end this."

"Alright." Said Vector. "Apparently, the guy occasionally finds a girl he likes better than the others and tries to keep them by telling them only what they want to hear."

"Vector, even a total dunce could have figured that out."

"Dudley from Harry Potter is a dunce." Piped up Charmy.

"Excluding Dudley, the boy's too much of an idiot, I'm surprised he can even figure out how to get to the bathroom." Vector started laughing. "What?"

"That was so funny!" Espio looked at Charmy suspiciously. As he suspected, the bee was tickling the helpless Vector with a feather... a green one...?

"WHERE IS THAT BEE?!" Jet the Hawk ran onto the stage and screeched to a stop. Charmy was hidden behind Vector.

"Jet! You're in the wrong story! Get back into Stranded With A Rogue!"

"How insulting! We're not that bad!" Said Jet, attention turned from Charmy. That's when Espio noticed that one of Jet's tail feathers was missing.

"Uh oh..."

"What?" Asked Jet, rounding on Espio.

"Charmy, you are as good as dead now."

"Oh thanks for telling him where I am!" Said Charmy, revealing where he was.

"I'LL KILL YOU YOU NUISANCE!"

"AAAAAAH! Stand by for an extra Charmy on the set of one of the alternate universe stories!" Charmy zoomed out of the screen. The focus moves to Espio.

"Finish the fic Espio."

"Err... yes. The song is definitely about womanizers and...."

"YOU BUGGERS HAD BETTER RE-THINK YOUR PRIORITIES! You shouldn't break poor ladies hearts! If I find any of you you'll be sorry!" Burst out Vector. Espio blinked.

"That's not quite what I was going to say but..."

"YEAH I'M TALKING TO YOU YOU...."

"VECTOR!"

"What?"

"You're cutting me off!"

"I didn't hear you."

"How could you not hear me?!"

"You were saying stuff that didn't make sense." Said the crocodile before bursting out laughing. Espio groaned.

"I'm never going to hear the end of that one...."

**And so we end this fic. Don't worry Charmy lovers, he got his wings slightly torn, and broke a leg trying to escape, but he's otherwise unharmed! :D**

**Charmy: *passes out***

**Vector: I suppose we'd better get him to the hospital. *sighs***

**Espio: Obviously.**

**Vector: What did you say?**

**Espio: ARGH! *goes off to dial 911***

**So please review this seeing as you've read it! XD Oh yes, Carrie Underwood owns Cowboy Casanova I think. :)**


End file.
